My liver just broke up with me...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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