I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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