Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
