where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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