last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
and you fell through a lawn chair
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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