be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
