I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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