I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
