My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
