There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
