I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
