So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
