i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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