I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
