What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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