I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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