Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
it's great music for shaving your balls
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
