I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just invented taco cereal.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
