Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
