Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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