Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
