Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
