naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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