there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
