i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
