small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
