Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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