Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
