happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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