Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
