My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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