Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
