I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
