It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
