he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
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Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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