i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
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I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
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I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
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