I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
