if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
