ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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