fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
