I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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