Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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