could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
