Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
