I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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