I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
