you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
be right there i have to get my cape
Randomize
