Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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