i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
