I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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