eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
