if you like me you must not know who I am
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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