so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
