my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
