I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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