Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
