somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
