You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize