I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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