im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
