You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
im holly from the hills drunk
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sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
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Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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