It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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