I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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