You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
