Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize