does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
